Archive for the ‘Halo Portable’ category

Tied the Leader Foundation

August 7th, 2007

The chivalrous, gunslinging guys over at Tied the Leader have just recently made a contribution to Azalea Charities, which support combat wounded war veterans. We should thank them for supporting our troops, but also for helping shed a kinder light upon the gaming community as a whole.

TTL, you guys rock.

Halo Genecide v1.3 for PSP

August 7th, 2007

This is pretty cool. Zion, from the forums, posted a version of Halo for the PSP. It’s a 2D side-scroller, and it seems similar to Halo Zero. Give it a download and lemme know what you think!

H:P Podcast Episode 10 – TEXY

July 26th, 2007

This episode features the other, not-as-useless-as-Funkmon-and-I-thought H:P Staffer Tex (picture on your right). We talk about Halo this time. Promise. Enjoy her shmexy voice.

Also, keep an eye out for Tex at ComiCon! She will be sporting Halo: Portable goodness, so be sure to get a picture with her!

Edit: The sync is broken. We’re working on fixing it. Sorry. Keep an eye out for Tex, though!

Edit 2: We called a plumber, but he was missing his wrench (aka, the sync will not be fixed). Yes, it really, really sucks. But since we’re such rational people, we’re going to put it back up so you can at least listen to it and have the content.

Halo 3 – E3 2007 Trailer

July 15th, 2007

First off, I am not lame. What is lame is how we had to sit and hear MINTZ talk about how he wants to join MTV’s latest reality show ‘Under aged and Engaged’. This was almost as lame as hearing Funkmon broadcast from the closet (hah).

Halo 3 E3 2007 Trailer.


Halo 3 at E3, 2:17

PSP – 12MB

This Ain’t a Scene…

July 15th, 2007

As many of you know, at the E3 Microsoft conference a one-two punch was delivered to Halo fans as we all watched “Arms Race”. Which Bnet described as: A collaboration between Bungie Studios, director Neill Blomkamp, WETA Workshop and Origami Digital LLC, brings the first digital short depicting humanity’s struggle to save Earth. You have to see it for yourself.

Our devoted follower, DEL360X was kind enough to inform me that Funkmon was going to upload this video for you all. But seeing as how he failed, I’m uploading this video, plus one more for your viewing pleasure.

This upload is PSP only atm, and being hosted off the server because although I am staff, no one gave me uploading permissions. It’s also zipped. Sorry.

Halo 3 Short – Arms Race, 1:52

PSP – 12MB

Halo: Portable Podcast Episode 9

July 14th, 2007

52MB – 56:54 Minutes

Here is your regularly scheduled podcast, folks. Funkmon and I discuss the Halo 3 beta, the different Halo 3 SKUs, Bungie Day, my article about Halo 2’s Matchmaking, listener email, Tex’s lameness, and more. This was recorded just before E3, so none of that stuff is in here. However, it will be in the next one!

Funkmon was using an MP3 player covered with a sock, so his voice quality is lacking compared to my professional, sound-canceling, $30 USB headset/mic combo. Click the pic to enjoy!

Halo: Portable Podcast Episode 8

February 23rd, 2007

32mb – 59:29

Listener mail! Woot! 100 podcast celebration! Machinima! Rockets on Prisoner! FAQs! Jen Taylor! Beta! Red vs Blue! Halo Clix (?)! Brand Identity! Bananaphone! Other stuff! Woot! (in all honesty, I (Funkmon) don’t remember what we talked about, as usual, so I’m just going to say that we spent the last half hour on listener emails.

Also, secret bonus ending for those who listen past the minute of silence!

UPDATE: The feed hates us. If you get this via a podcatcher, then it’s like 4 days late. TY.

Halo 2: The Series, by Jamie98s.

February 23rd, 2007

Jamie98s has been making a lot of good movies, and he’s decided to pick up an older idea tossed around by Crossfire, a Halo 2 movie. He’s doing it episodically, and he’s already released the first two. In short, they’re phenomenal, even handling some things as overlooked as Cortana monologue extremely well, and missing none of the crucial elements of the game, like the Jackal snipers and the tunnel driving. Download Episode 1 and 2 below. Additionally, I’ve been told to say that Jamie98s is “The most wonderful thing since sliced bologna.”

Halo 2 Episode 1: Cairo Station, 14:43

PSP – 34.7MB
Zune – 26.1MB
iPod – 39.1MB

Halo 2 Episode 2: Outskirts, 22:52

PSP -62.1MB
Zune – 42.6MB
iPod – 60.6MB

Miller Pack Installment 4: SMG Love and Guns Don’t Kill People

February 2nd, 2007

The Millers, Mike and Cody, who aren’t related, are all about proving people wrong. Mike decided to do the impossible Belly of the Beast section of Truth and Reconciliation without firing a shot, and without losing a marine. Cody decided that he’d plow through Halo 2 on legendary with only the ‘useless’ SMG. Both create action movie gold.

Guns Don’t Kill People – 3:38

PSP – 16MB
Zune – 9MB
iPod – 8.5MB

How I learned to Love the SMG – 3:24

PSP – 14MB
Zune – 7MB
iPod – 11MB

Miller Pack Installment 3: Halo: Legend 3

January 30th, 2007

5:34 mins

From HBO

An anonymous user from HBO sent this in as a tribute to Mike Miller’s Legend series of videos. It’s not as polished, but it does what it sets out to do: pay homage to Mike Miller and his great Legend movies. Showcasing skill with stylish kills in Legendary, this video is an entertaining film that doesn’t quite make you go “WOW, how did he do that?” but it does make you go “Sweet.”

Now, it occurs to me that we have not finished our Miller Pack, so I’m sticking this in there. Next time, SMG Love by Cody Miller, then Legend 2 by Mike Miller.

Also, if you ask me why the image is the suck, it’s because I took it from the video. Why? Cause the video had a title screen, and in this particular movie, I don’t see a reason to deviate from it.

PSP – 22MB
Zune – 11MB
iPod – 17MB

We Become Silhouettes by Jamie98s

January 25th, 2007

3:48 Minutes

A nuclear bomb is set off in the heart of New Mombasa, and everyone has to deal with the fallout. How? By dancing around as shadows or something. Let Jamie98s explain it to you with music accompaniment by the Postal Service.

PSP – 10.3MB
Zune – 7.1MB
iPod – 7MB


Halo: Portable Podcast Episode 7

January 6th, 2007

19MB – 49:22 Minutes (Link)

Funkmon and I ramble inanely about the latest happenings in the Halo world, which mostly include the Halo 3 beta and the Deadly Night LAN. Funkmon also whines a lot about how much he deserves to get in the beta. You can go ahead and skip the last half of the podcast because of that.


December 30th, 2006

3 minutes

From HBO

Traditionally, H:P doesn’t operate on weekends, and I’m not planning on changing that. However, since we neglected to post a Christmas video, and I have time, I converted a new one for youse guise to watch. It’s a classic. Hickadam displays his excellent timing and scene choices in a not so standard Halo music video. Watch it, and you’ll enjoy it. Moreover, it’s a skimpy video, a scant 3 minutes in length. You might as well download it.

PSP – 9.5MB
Zune – 5.6MB
iPod – 5.7MB

The Heart is a Lonely Hunter

December 29th, 2006

30 minutes

From HBO

The Heart is a Lonely Hunter is probably the best Halo machinima ever made. I think Louis Wu said it best when the movie was released about 2.2 years ago.

Every once in a while, a Halo movie comes along that’s head and shoulders above almost everything else out there. Great filmography, awesome sound, fantastic voice acting… if you look back on all of the Halo machinima creations that have been released (we’re not talking music videos now, or gameplay presentations), there are only a couple that are up there in a class that can stand alone, be of interest OUTSIDE the Halo community. (Red vs Blue is probably the most prominent example.) Now (in my opinion), there’s a new one. ‘The Heart is a Lonely Hunter’ is a 30-minute movie which has it all; great acting, great storyline, great cinematography, great music, great effects. Humor and pathos, all rolled into a Halo-driven package.

Beware, everyone, this movie is teh hueg. 30 minutes long, almost 130 megs for the PSP version. If you want, I can try to shrink it to under 120 megs. Or, you can download it to your PC. The format was 320×240 anyway, so it should look pretty good just watching it.

PSP – 128MB
Zune – 55.2MB
iPod – 57.5MB

Brute Vidoc

December 29th, 2006

7 minutes

From Bungle

Bungie’s started making video documentaries, which they have shortened to “Vidocs,” about… well, stuff. They’re professional, and are similar to the FilmOasis stuff we have seen before. This specific one is about the role brutes will play in Halo 3, and it shows some campaign footage, and a bunch of sandbox footage. Absolutely worth the download.

On a more personal note, I got into a mild motorcycle accident, and broke my hand. I couldn’t type for a while, so that’s why there haven’t been as many videos as there could be. To make up for it, I’ll stick a classic machinima vid up tomorrow.

On an even more personal note, Mintz sucks. [Edit by Mintz: Yes.]

Also, I’m going to up the bitrate on the iPod movie next time, and see if that makes it better.

PSP – 31.4MB
Zune – 12.4MB
iPod – 12MB

Halo 3 TV Spot

December 5th, 2006

59 seconds

This needs no introduction. The Halo 3 ad from Monday Night Football, December 4th, 2006.

Local links

Zune – 5.1MB
iPod – 6MB – Choose these please.

Zune – 5.1MB
iPod – 6MB

Want different sizes? Here’s the mirror page at

H:PP episode 6

November 27th, 2006

22 MB, 40 mins (link)

We are teh roolz. Mintz and I catch up on the crap that’s happened. Then, we dance. Then, well…I can’t tell you that. Nevertheless, it kicks some thorough ass.

Just to reiterate: SEND MESSAGES TO FUNKMON@GMAIL.COM, cause Mintz is too ‘busy’ to deal with them…I’ll write back, then give you lub.

Edit by Mintz: Also in this show, we read listener mail, talk about the major Halo news that’s been going around, and generally have a good time. Oh, and we talk about “nubscuses.” You have to listen to know what it’s about. Feel free to email Funkmon and I at the same time using our contact form.

Edit 2 by Funkmon: Hey, you guys. While we’re on the subject of contact, next podcast (or so) ‘we’ want to do a little segment on Christmas gifts, cause…well…’we’ want to. So, tell us, you guys, what was the best Halo related Christmas you’ve ever had. Make the story interesting. Lie if need be.

Short example: Last Christmas I received my own AI as a gift. A 1st generation smart AI modeled after Tai Hitachi, the famous 25th century physicist, Juan’s been my best friend since. He envisions himself after Jason, from Power Rangers, and enjoys talking about the mating habits of migratory birds.

Example 2: So Bisenti and I went out for a drink last Christmas Eve because we were bachelors and had noone to buy gifts for, you know? So we head out to one of the only Hooters in the Jovian moons that serve beers, and, check this out, one of the girls was actually Dubbo’s sister! She doesn’t recognize us, so we call up Chip and have him come over, right? He does, a few minutes later, and boy does he freak…her. I mean, who would have thought he’d find his own sister so attractive? Last I heard, they were raising six fingered kids on Earth.

Yours can be much longer of course, and, if you can manage it and still make it interesting, more truthful.

Skype me and leave me a voicemail (Funkmon), or use the contact form.

LEGO my Halo!

November 21st, 2006

2:18 Mins

From HBO
Yes, that’s right, a new video. Mintz has been ignoring your emails so much, he’s to the point where he has forced me to work. So, I bring you a pretty cool movie made by Marshall Brecka, a frame by frame brick by brick recreation of the Halo 2 trailer…entirely in LEGO blocks. It’s pretty much the coolest thing ever, and it mirrors the original trailer perfectly. Has to be seen to be…well, not believed, but appreciated.

Also, we’ve…uh…arrived at the social. We’re now doing Zune videos, and they should work with most other video players.

<3 Tex for the lolpix, btw.

PSP – 8.1MB
Zune – 4.9MB
iPod – 7.8MB

Funkmon’s Ghosts of Onyx Book Review

October 31st, 2006

Funkmon wrote a review of Halo: Ghosts of Onyx over on Subnova, but the server is taking a beating. Since rapture really beefed up our servers, we have a copy in case they go down.

For those of you that have no idea what I’m talking about: Funkmon wrote a review of Halo: Ghosts of Onyx. If, and only if, you have finished the book already, click “read more” to view his impressions.

Funkmon sez:

Quick! What’s your favorite book? Everyone’s answer will be different, from The Art of War to Jurassic Park to the infamous 10000 word essay on the mating habits of migratory birds written by our own Max. However, if you ask Halo fans this question, many of their answers will be the same: Halo: First Strike.

As the third book in the popular Halo (a video game these novels are based on, and one of the focuses of this website) series of novels, it encompassed everything wanted in a sequel. More action, more story, more interaction with everyone’s favorite Spartan (the main characters of these novels), and more ‘science’ than you can shake a stick at, but not enough to scare off newcomers, and, of course, answers. This made First Strike a stellar science fiction novel, even outside of the Halo universe. Unfortunately, Eric Nylund’s next book, Halo: Ghosts of Onyx (Goo) fails in every single one of these aspects.

The book starts off in a familiar fashion, like the first book, retelling a mission the Spartans had been on. It introduces a new character…well, 300 new characters, while incorporating no old ones, and it dizzies the reader with new facts and information. Fine, for a first novel in a series, but for a sequel, very tough to follow. It tells of a massacre of what we expect to be Spartan IIIs, almost 300 of them. Once the reader gets past that assault of information, it’s on to more familiar ground: Spartan 117, John, and his team winning over insurmountable odds, in a similar retelling of a mission.

After this, however, it’s all new territory, at least until halfway through the novel. Kurt, the Spartan II introduced in the second retelling, becomes the main character, and the reader follows his actions after being kidnapped by ONI to train the Spartan IIIs. A stock character, Kurt is an everyman, trying to do what is best for his trainees, but also trying to preserve them in a greedy fashion. The reader meets dozens of new characters, and some old ones which had never been intimately known, but as soon as these people arrive, they disappear, with only two people being constant, Kurt and a character from the first third of the very first novel, Chief Mendez.

In this fashion, the book reads very much like a fan fiction, typographical errors and all, with so many needless code words and capitalized phrases it feels like a Pokemon game, every NOUN and ITEM capitalized as if they were all ACRONYMS for some sort of more COMPLICATED DEVICE.

Moreover, this first half merely seems like a device to give backstory, not to tell one. Indeed, it is, taking place almost entirely before events in Halo: First Strike. The whole time, I was wondering when Nylund would get back to telling the real story, of the Master Chief, Spartan 117, or of Earth between the events of First Strike (FS) and Halo 2, or even of the events of Halo 2. Nylund, however, gave all of that a miss, and completely assumed that the reader had played Halo 2 and had no questions concerning the events in between FS and the game. Not bad, I guess, at least I get to hear more about the Master Chief and the artificial intelligence Cortana, right?

Wrong. The second half of the book almost completely ignores the hero of the Halo series, only alluding to his troubles and mentioning his informal name, John, a few times. We once again meet Dr. Halsey and Kelly, who we know from a previous book, and we find out why Halsey had kidnapped the Spartan Kelly, literally the only answer we get to a question raised in the video games and books not already surmised by the intelligent Halo fan base. They make their way to Onyx, the training ground Kurt is on with his Spartan IIIs. Dr. Halsey morphs herself into a treacherous new character, different than the super intelligent mother figure we’ve come to know her as, and she requests Spartan backup to Onyx.

Then, to our relief, we’re reintroduced to another familiar character, perhaps the only one besides the Master Chief we’d be comfortable spending a whole book with, Fred. Unfortunately, we get about 40 pages with him, as he runs to help Dr. Halsey at Onyx. We then promptly switch back over to Kurt, where he excercises his command over our friends from former books, leaving the reader with a “Who the hell does this asshole think he is?” feeling.

The Spartans fight together against forerunner sentinals and Covenant warriors alike, and they eventually get to the core of Onyx, revealing secrets and typical battle sequences we know from the first three books. While still pleasurable, the book tries to go for a perfect record, and, in the style of everything else, manages to screw these up, though only slightly. There’s always a lot of stuff going on in these battles, and they’re a little tough to follow, but they’re still fun to read.

This good part of the book ends with Kurt dying. This guy we spent the whole book not liking too much, disliking, then learning to tolerate again, just died, wasting all our emotions, and, effectively, our time. Fred, Halsey, Mendez, Kelly, and the other survivors escape into a ‘shield’ for the ‘reclaimers’, and the story ends with them starting to recon the area, not a cliffhanger, not a classic ending, but certainly a fitting one. Nylund has essentially prepared us to not see them again, but later, if they show up, we won’t be too surprised.

I’ve spent most of this review bashing the book, so I don’t want anyone to get me wrong. It’s a good book. Honest. It just doesn’t measure up to the standard set by the other books in the series, except for Halo: The Flood, which it surpasses in almost all areas (especially continuity). To liken it to video games, which the readers of this site understand well, Goo was supposed to be Halo Book 4, when it really just turned out to be Halo Book 4: Expansion pack, leaving a whole section of story missing, and then adding a side story to that.

With Goo containing typos, way too many new things, not enough old things, and a bad main character, it really does bring down the authors overall writing skill. The story is contstructed well, the writing is good, and the action sequences are fun, but these things don’t make the reader forget about the shortcomings of the book, and the betrayal I felt as a Halo, and therefore Spartan 117, fan.

Writing: 9/10
Story: 8/10
Characters: 5/10
Novelty: 6/10 (How cool the book is)
Reader Enjoyment: 7/10 (How good I felt while reading the book)
Aftertaste: 4/10 (How I felt after reading the book)

Overall: 7/10 (How I feel it was overall)

Bottom line: A good, fun book, I suggest it to all Halo fans who have played Halo 2, but to be wary that it’s not like the other ones. I suggest the Halo series to all science fiction fans, but to not include this book in it, at least not yet.

Update: H:P Maintenance Week

October 31st, 2006

Update: Looks like the migration is complete. Woot! If you find any bugs, send Mintz lots of email. Funkmon and Tex, too.

Good night now.

Media Temple has hooked H:P up with a sweet new Grid Server (we can now take a B.netting and more). I’m in the process of moving all of the public downloads to a new system (because the old download links are teh borked). Give me a day or two for all of the download links working again. It may be sooner if I can stay off of Ultimate Mortal Kombat 3 on XBOX Live Arcade.